Why I don’t want to be here at all

Casino Monte Carlo last year, Monaco

I had imagined this summer quite differently. Sure, the summer temperatures in there Netherlands are definitely here, but I don't want to be here at all. For me, a vacation means a change of scenery, see new stuff and most of all discovering new places. And especially, exploring the city armed with my camera in the evening. While everyone seems to be on vacation or has already been, we're still in waiting mode. It's not that I don't want to go on vacation—far from it. But our new four-legged friend (our dog) has put our plans on hold. The pet hotel only had availability in the last week of summer break, so until then, we're waiting.

Saint-Charles, Marseille

Waiting—that's the keyword for this summer. Out of office replies from people I email. Beautiful stories from friends about their vacation plans or trips. "So, you're leaving a week earlier than us?" It feels like everyone is already on vacation. Family members and neighbors are back by now, sharing their stories and photos enthusiastically, and all I can do is smile and nod. "Just a little longer, and it'll be my turn," I tell myself, but it feels like an eternity.

Calanques, Marseille

In an attempt to kill time and distract myself, I decided to thoroughly clean out my hard drives. A useful task, for sure, but it also brought me face-to-face with all those beautiful vacation photos from previous years. The beaches of Croatia in 2021, the forests of the Czech Republic in 2022, and that amazing road trip to Marseille last year. It was like watching a movie of my own life, where the protagonist—me—is desperately waiting for the next big scene.

Notre-Dame de la Garde, Marseille

And then there's that darn Polarsteps app. A source of inspiration and, at the same time, a constant reminder that I haven't left yet. Every time I open the app, I see updates from friends and family already in distant places. It makes me long for the moment when I can finally chart my own course and share my adventures. But for now, the app stays closed, like a book you can only read when the time is right. "Update available, yeah right."

Monte Carlo, Monaco

Patience is a virtue, they say. And until then, we'll enjoy the here and now, right here in the Netherlands. Together. Have a great summer, everyone.

All photos taken in Marseille and Monte Carlo last year.

Kaja Sariwating

Kaja Sariwating (1986) is a storyteller born in the Netherlands and of Moluccan heritage. His journey has woven through various fields—from graduating in both Public Administration and Law to becoming a dedicated creator and visual storyteller.

Next
Next

Why street photography makes you a more versatile photographer